一切都结束了。

 

趁着这股不可抗拒的伤感离别潮

想对一切都来一个了断

 

想暂时遗弃这个space

但搞不好也可能是永久

原因有二

一来没有太多时间管理

二来有闲杂人等来发广告留言

不胜其扰 遂设了权限

不便之处请谅解

 

欲知近况 请到douban：

 

我给自己买了本新的《国境以南 太阳以西》。

这是一个新的开始。

 

其实不应该想到他。

那时只是小孩子，任何两个小朋友在一起都可以玩得很开心。

我不是他的岛本，这是肯定的。

他是不是我的初？其实我自己也不清楚。

 

也许只是独生子那些相似的孤独引起的共鸣。

某些深藏于心的东西有相似之处。

有着一些空缺等待填补。

反正如果将我和他代入岛本和初的故事中，然后抱以希望。

那简直就是痴人做梦。

 

至于太阳以西有什么？

估计就是成长经历的岁月中，心中放不下的种种。

如果当时做了另一种选择，结果会有怎样的不同？

其实那里可能什么也没有。

时光倒流回到过去，看到的可能只有虚无。

而且人总是逃离不了现实。

 

所以我又买了本新的《国境以南 太阳以西》。

以前那本没了就没了吧。

略略地翻了翻，然后只能叹息。

 

“黑暗中我想到落于海面的雨

——浩瀚无边的大海上无声无息地、不为任何人知晓地降落的雨。

雨安安静静地叩击海面，鱼们甚至都浑然不觉。

我一直在想这样的大海，直到有人走来把手轻轻放在我的背上。”

这个就是故事的结尾。

The Unbearable Heaviness of Being
                                                    -A Commentary on Once More to the Lake

 

In his essay Once More to the Lake, E. B. White vividly illustrates his revisit to the holy spot of his childhood, a mountain lake, where people led an easy and quiet life, far away from the city heat. Time left no trace on the lake. During the one-week trip with his son, despite the pastoral scenery, White tangled with the illusion of his childhood and the present reality. After a close observation on everything around and careful reflection, White realized his present existence, which meant he was different from the boy he used to be. The notions of the passage of time and the cycle of life, which ultimately leads every man to his death, stroke him heavily, leaving a sense of unbearable heaviness of being on the essay.

 

Even though mixed with a bit of nostalgia and sentiment, the tone of the essay appears to be joyful and relaxed till the last sentence: “…suddenly my groin felt the chill of death.” Abrupt and confusing as it may first seem, this sentence is the essence of the essay, revealing a fundamental principle of life that underlies the delightful time people spent around the lake. White implicitly develops the foundations for this insightful truth in all the previous paragraphs, elaborately creating three layers which gradually and smoothly lead to the dramatic climax in the last sentence.

 

Upon arriving at the lake with his son, White’s memories of his childhood were unleashed. The lake and its surroundings seemed exactly the same, as if there were no passage of time. This amazing stillness confused White with the past and the present. In his fishing trip with his son, White was mesmerized by the pensive and tranquil atmosphere around the lake, having the illusion that he was still in his childhood. The illusion was so delicate that it gave him a sense of dizziness and lightness. However, the reality constantly resurfaced and destroyed his illusion of timelessness. The road leading to the tennis court had changed. The waitresses had changed. The motorboats had changed. All these fragments of changes weighed heavily on White’s heart, cruelly reminding him that time flows on and he would finally grow old. The conflicts between illusion and reality set out the sense of heaviness of the essay.

 

White had a strong attachment to the lake, cherishing every detail of it, so that years later when he returned, his memories could still resonate with the present scenes: the air was still fresh and lumber-scented and the water was still cool and motionless. He was amazed at the permanence of nature, such as the “stillness of the cathedral” of the lake or the “utterly enchanted sea”. The passage of time could not be reflected by nature, yet some human activities relentlessly disturbed the subtle sense of eternity, the worst of which were the changes of arriving and motorboats. Witnessing those changes, White once again woke up from the fantasy of timelessness. Nothing will last forever even in the “remote and primeval” lake area. As the awareness of the passage of time is deepened, the sense of heaviness of the essay is enhanced.

 

White’s son took great pleasures from the trip. He did all the typical things that a boy would do when camping. Other youngsters, as White’s son, were also exhilarated. They “disarranged and pawed over the plugs and spinners in the store”. All of them had the same energy and naughtiness in their young spirits, so innocent and so carefree. As he watched and heard his boy doing the same things he used to do, White’s reminiscence merged. He thought of his father, who “rolled over in a canoe with all his clothes on” and took charge of the “trunks matters”. Being an adult means behaving maturely and taking responsibility. Then in the thunderstorm, while others got drenched with excitement in the pouring rain, White had “no thoughts of going in”. As he watched his son putting on his trunks, his heart imploded: he had embarked on a journey to mortality and his son was a major sign of his cycle of life. This heavy blow unveiled the universal truth White had been seeking for: the passage of time exerts subtle or tremendous effects on everything, and these accumulated changes constitute the cycle of life. This course of nature, leading to death, is inescapable, so even the slightest thought of it is unbearable. At this point, the essay was elevated to the highest level.

 

The lake was a sacred spot to White, for it represented the joyous moments of his childhood. The comparison between illusion and reality, and the disturbed balance between nature and human suggest the process of White’s induction, in which the illusion and the affection of nature show White’s unwillingness to accept changes. Subconsciously, White wanted to be Peter Pan, being young forever. A child does not realize the life cycle that leads to death, thus he can enjoy the purest happiness. On the contrary, an adult, as he has become sophisticated, has foreseen unavoidable ending of life and must take all kinds of responsibility, both of which would burden heavily on his soul. That is why White was so reluctant to confront changes and the passage of time.

 

Passage of time, cycle of life and death are by no means easy subjects for people to ponder on. Nevertheless E. B. White expresses his sense of this unbearable heaviness of being through Once More to the Lake in a basically delightful tone. Even though he was destined to die, he still appreciated the beauty of life and nature. So cherish the life now and carpe diem!

 

－－－－－－

 

此为旧文一篇，是在大学4年中写过的最满意的文章。在今日得知专八通过之际，突然想起，翻出来晒一下，聊以纪念。

 

今日下午，大穗打电话给我，告诉我的专八过了。那分数竟然同我妈预言诡异地一致。当时激动得不行（两个原因：过了和那诡异的一致），之前的担忧疑虑一扫而光，过了就是一件好事，就算专八被外界认为不反映真实水平毫无公信力，但起码是对自己4年英语专业学习一个交待。尔后平静下来就开始贪得无厌地遗憾了，如果多2分就可以变成优秀……诸如此类的。不过想起考完那时的感觉（同学说：天要我亡，我不得不亡……），这个结果相当令我满意了。而且比起专四笔试优秀口试合格，这次专八笔试良好口试良好，算是均衡发展了吧？要感谢从小学开始所有教过我的英语老师。特别是刘清华，短信她知这个消息时，她说她也很高兴。

 

最近负面情绪泛滥，写了很多毫无意义毫无营养的发泄文。

希望从此可以转运吧。